There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
