he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
