im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
