my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
