I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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