with your own penis?
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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