I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize