that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
