he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
