i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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