I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i dont even know how to be here
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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