I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
