She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
