yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
