Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The ass gains better be worth it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
