I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
