I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
