Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
