when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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