Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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