If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
