At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All I want is dick and wine.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize