I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
apparently the secret to your success is patron
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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