i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize