I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
