Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
