As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
