i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
