One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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