I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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