they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
