i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
