I just saw a hot homeless man
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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