apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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