is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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