Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
