My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
