Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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