Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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