Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
