Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
