My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize