sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
