I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
