No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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