I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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