Will you blow on my dice?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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