I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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