I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
