He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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