is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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