So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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