i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
