the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
