they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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