If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
