It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
