K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
