Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
