Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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