we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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