Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Blood and glitter go together right?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
