see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
