Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
