It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
